I like you, Betty.

Let’s lead with the disclaimer that I seriously dislike internet dating. Hell, I dislike dating in general. I’m generally a laid back, easy going gal, but when it comes to dating I tense up and act like a retard.

Online dating is even worse. I got suckered into it by a friend who “just wants the best for me.” Said friend is obviously an idiot and I should stop speaking to him immediately. I won’t sign up for eHarmony because a) they’re religion based, b) they won’t match my gay friends, and c) I can’t get away from their motherfucking commercials and that god-awful song. So I signed up for Match.

Kill. Me. Now. It’s shallow and petty and I hate it. I’m not excluding myself in that accusation either. It’s making me shallow and petty and I hate that too. Who the fuck am I to judge these people on some random blurb they wrote, probably under the same duress that I was when I wrote mine? Who I am to dismiss them on some random photographs they happened to have lying around and attached? The very thought of the site send shivers down my spine and every time I get an email telling me I have a wink or a message I cringe.

My friend is mad at me because I’m not going out on a thousand dates. Forgive me for being picky. Forgive me for having standards. Forgive me for dismissing most of them for not being able to spell. Forgive me for not trusting people on the internet, where they can say anything they want. I’d much rather meet a guy in a bar, where I can look in his eyes and tell if he’s shady or not.

That all being said, the miracle in question is that I have a date on Saturday. Some bass player who is new in town. He’s not awful to look at, by his photos, but he also might have a crazy eye. I’m pretty sure it’s going to go down in flames, much like the other two internet dates I went out on. I’m such an optimist, aren’t I?

What I really want to happen is for the friend of a friend that I met out the other day to be back at his usual haunt tonight, because I will be there as part of a birthday drinking festivity for my friend K. I really liked that one.

* Anyone else think Rip Torn’s performance in Dodgeball is the funniest thing ever to happen to movies? I don’t normally like that brand of idiot comedy, or anything Ben Stiller has anything to do with, but I can’t get enough of that movie.