Dear Old Guy who messaged me on Match,
I am worried that you don’t actually know how to read.
They offer you an age range for a reason. I mean, sure, I like older men and all, but over 20 years is too many. If you are, in fact, old enough to have spawned me, that’s a dealbreaker.
When you live 300 miles away, but list my town as a favorite travel destination, do you know what that says to me? It says you’re looking for a hot young thing to shag on your vacation. While I know I should be flattered, I’m really not. The very thought nauseates me.
Also, professing your love for the Lord Jesus Christ in your profile leads me to believe that you’re a touch on the religious side. The word “agnostic” on my profile should lead you to believe that I’m not so hot on Christ. I’ll fill you in right now, agnostic is putting it lightly. The only reason I didn’t put “atheist” is because I believe that there’s some sort of guiding force out there, I’m just not sure what it is. But I know that is sure as hell is not Catholic.
I understand that maybe you’re desperate, that on-line dating sucks donkey balls and you’re not finding the right woman. But darlin’, I’m not her either. So leave me the fuck alone.
Thanks!
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Well, I’m pretty sure Catholic wouldn’t be his style either, unless it was the schoolgirl in uniform variety.
Comment by rosie o'grady June 22, 2008 @ 6:59 amYeah, on-line dating blows chunks!
Positively vomitous!
Comment by sburns74 June 23, 2008 @ 9:32 amOh man. Same story with me on Match.com. I even had to put on my profile “NO OLD DUDES- REALLY” and that just made them come at me harder. The wrote me all kinds of upchuck-inducing tomes about how I’ve “never known the pleasure of an older, more experienced lovah.” Um, but really, how does “I married my high school sweetheart at 22 and have only recently been sprung from the jail of my miserable, loveless, sexless 15-year marriage sentence” = more experience?
Match.com is evil.
Comment by biscuitdoughjones June 25, 2008 @ 10:47 amPS- Thanks for adding me to your blogroll!!
Comment by biscuitdoughjones June 25, 2008 @ 10:48 amIt is so evil. Especially when you live in a not so large place, with not so much in the way of a pool to choose from to begin with. The worst part is that I have a guy friend who is meeting women up the wazoo on it and he can’t understand why I hate it so much. Then again, he doesn’t have much for standards. “You have tits? Score!”
And you’re welcome! I have so many people near and dear to me embroiled in the absurdity of planning a wedding and your take on it is so refreshing and fun.
Comment by Stella June 25, 2008 @ 3:51 pmHe’s probably after you because you listed “agnostic.” Bible-bangers love projects like that. They work a commission – every time they convert an agnostic/atheist into a full fledge Soldier o’ God, they get better seats in Heaven. He’s probably going for the Player’s Club.
Comment by McGone June 26, 2008 @ 11:15 amWell, I guess I should take that as a “Not interested” next time. I will stop contacting you.
)
Comment by Slinger June 30, 2008 @ 10:28 pmHaha. And I wonder why I’m still single, right?
Comment by Stella June 30, 2008 @ 10:59 pm