Dear body.
Knock it the fuck off, already, huh? I’ve put you to bed and given you rest. I’ve kept the humidifier on, I’ve sweated the fever out of you. I’ve fed you orange juice and tea and chicken soup. I’ve gargled with salt water, I’ve drank a hot toddy. I’ve tried every mother’s trick there is and still you allow my throat to be on fire.
Please, please, please, please make it stop. I stayed in bed for two days, everything else has gone away, just allow me to be able to swallow again is all I’m asking.
Because ouch.
I have known three men in my life who have been severely averse to body hair. I find this fascinating.
The first was a guy I knew in college. He was a cyclist, professionally, so he could write it off as beneficial to his sport, but he would freely admit that even if it weren’t for the cycling, he wouldn’t have any hair. He was clean as a whistle, no hair on his legs, arms, back, chest. Hardly any on his head as he kept it very closely shaven.
Another was a guy I used to work with. He had hair on his head, past his ears, but he hated it everywhere else. He said he would shave his legs in a heartbeat if his wife would let him.
The third, and the only one I was ever intimate with, would occasionally get his back and chest waxed, but only when he felt like it or could get around to it. He claimed he would shave his legs too if it wasn’t such a societal no-no.
Now, I can understand that some men are more hairy than most, and that an excess of body hair can be a bit of a turn off. But none of these men was particularly hairy. The last, which I know the best, obviously, didn’t have any more hair on him than the next guy. Not so much that I even noticed, to be honest.
And I’ve never really known any women who were completely anti-body hair. Not as much as these men. I find that odd. Me, I don’t mind a little hair, providing a guy isn’t Sasquatch. It reminds me that I am, in fact, screwing a guy. Maybe it equates to the concept that women like their men rugged.
Take for instance, Hugh Jackman. When he’s all clean shaven and dainty, he freaks me out. I don’t think he’s attractive at all. But get him dirty and hairy, a la Wolverine, or his part in “Australia” and he becomes sexy as hell.
Then again, I really don’t like men with facial hair to date. It’s scratchy. I’m dainty. But he sure is pretty to look at.
Anyway! Back to my original thought. Do I know weird men or is this phenomenon more common that I would expect?
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I’m sitting at my desk, having a conversation on IM about oral sex with my best gay friend.
We had a halloween party at work today and it obviously shot the day to hell. They’d be better off not even making us come in to work today.
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Teaching a man dance steps when all you know is the man’s part is hard as all hell.
I’ve taken some dance classes in my time, and usually with people who couldn’t dance. I’ve always, always been a leader when it comes to dance. So, teaching a man how to lead me in a dance is completely impossible.
I want to say, “just be a woman and fucking follow me already” but something tells me he wouldn’t take so nicely to that…
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Sarah Palin scares the ever loving fuck out of me.
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I get to board an airplane in about 3.5 hours. I’m on the fence as to whether or not I’m excited about it. I like airports and don’t mind flying, but there’s the whole lots of other people aspect to deal with that I’m not terribly keen on. God, I’m a whine ass.
Anyway, I’m headed home to (almost) the great white north for 80% vacation & 20% my grandfather’s funeral. I haven’t been home in over a year, so it’s bound to be both awesome and terribly awkward. Coming from a rather small place, it’s a guarantee that I’ll run into all sorts of people that I never wanted to see again, so that’ll be fun. But there are plenty of people that I won’t mind seeing as well.
I don’t know where this post is going. I just felt bad that I haven’t posted, but except for the insistent and as yet unfounded hurricane panic that’s going on around where I live, not a thing has happened lately.
Maybe there will be vacation adventures to keep you all coming back. I will do my best to get into trouble so I can regale you with stories.
Ta-ta for now!
Filed under: Random, bullshit | Tags: facebook, make it stop, marriage, squidgy, strange things are afoot, the past is back to haunt me, weird people, wtf?
Weird things have been happening as of late in the realm of people I used to know.
We all know the Facebook story, how people I forgot existed keep showing up.
Two days ago, a former co-worker and friend who had a massive crush on me makes me his Facebook friend and then sends me a “how’s life?” email. I haven’t spoken to him since I was last home (whole different state, 1200 miles away) the Christmas before last because I was sick of him acting like a child. Big long story, but whatever, here he is again.
Yesterday I got an email out of the blue from a girl I met at a summer job in 1998. She was dating the guy I was in love with, so I figured if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em. We were the best of friends for about a year and a half, even after they broke up, until some weird things happened. We were still friendly, but not as close. I haven’t spoken to her in probably five years. Yet here’s an email – “My husband and I were just in your hometown and I was looking for you! How are you?!”
Then there’s this girl who was my senior year college roommate. She was a horrible bitch and I don’t much like her, but she keeps adding me as a friend on things and I can’t help but feel it would be too petty to deny her. Still, we haven’t talked since our friend’s wedding in 2002 (divorced now, btw). Well, she got married herself a couple weeks back and doesn’t she want the world to know it. She changed her status to married on Facebook as soon as the ceremony was over.
Well, I am going back to my parent’s house next week and I changed my Facebook status to say something of the like, warning people that I’m returning. Then I get a message from her that says “When are you coming back?! Maybe my husband and I could make it more fun!”
WTF? Now that you’re married you can talk to me again? Need to rub it in a little more? Is this “let’s all remind Stella that she’s still fucking single” week? Where are all you people coming from?
This is really throwing me off, kind of creeping me out. Ok, if one of them contacted me, it’d be weird, but not off the charts. This is getting a little out of hand. I’m almost afraid to check my email to see who is going to be next…
* This is a word that I made up (maybe?) to describe the texture of mushrooms. I have texture problems when it comes to food. But I’ve decided it can now apply to other things as well. Things that just don’t settle well, seem just slightly off. Like this entire week.
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Why is it that after being completely gorgeous outside for two straight weeks, the torrential downpour has to come on the one day I decided to wear a suede skirt? Why is Mother Nature so mean to me?
There is so little to do at work today that I may spend the whole day making a fancy chart of the tides for the next few months. Or chewing my fingernails. Or walking around the building and beating my head against various walls. Sounds thrilling, doesn’t it? I know you’re jealous.
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I thought those blasted Penguins were going to do it again. Dear christ, if I had to sit through another triple over time I would have shot somebody.
And get over it Pittsburgh. Your boys gave it a good run, a really good run, but it’s over. It shows a complete lack of class to boo the MVP because he’s on the other team. Well, ok, now you’re being good sports and clapping for the cup, just in time to make me a hypocrite. Thanks for that, you assholes.
What a pretty cup. Can it really be 15 years since I stood next to it when Montreal won? That was so cool, to be that close to it. I just wanted to pet it, but they wouldn’t let me.
On a completely unrelated note, what the hell is the difference between tags and categories on this thing? Anybody? Bueller?
