I cancelled my Match.com account and deactivated my profile this morning. I have never felt so free.
There’s a little “we’re sad to see you go” screen, where they ask you one question. “What can we do to make it easier to find love?” My answer was brief. “You can stop existing.”
Filed under: Dating, bullshit | Tags: fuck off, I just threw up in my mouth a little, make it stop, match
I’m through. Done and done. Here’s the latest:
I haven’t had the stomach to send a reply yet. I’m trying to craft something worthwhile, something that will live up to this gentleman’s obviously high standards. It should be clever, but brief. I’m thinking either: “No, no I do not” or “Yes, actually I do. Just not with you, you illiterate cretin.”
What do you think?
Filed under: Dating | Tags: match, please god tell me you're kidding, ridiculous
I got an email from Match this morning, “so and so with the cheesy ass user name winked at you.” I’m trying a new thing where I at least read through people’s profiles before I dismiss them, so I clicked on the link.
Yeah, needn’t bother. Dude’s all glamor shotted up, wearing gold chains and a Cosby sweater. No discernible education to be found in profile paragraphs. Deleted.
Then I get an email from him. This is verbatim.
i see you looked at my profile but i just wanted to tell you i will be in (town) in bout a week and i was looking for a friend to hang out with and to have fun i visit there bout 3times a year and thinking bout moving there i would really like to talk to you if i interest you my name is (redacted)
Honestly? The English language has this cool thing now, it’s called punctuation, you should try it out. Capital letters are kind of neat too.
If I remember correctly, I have a bit in my profile about how I’m keen on grammar and spelling, being an editor and all, but apparently people don’t get the subtlety. I’m going to have to go back in and change my profile to read: If you can’t bother with grammar, I can’t bother with you.
Filed under: Dating | Tags: crazy eyes, dodgeball, eharmony, gag me with a spoon, match
Let’s lead with the disclaimer that I seriously dislike internet dating. Hell, I dislike dating in general. I’m generally a laid back, easy going gal, but when it comes to dating I tense up and act like a retard.
Online dating is even worse. I got suckered into it by a friend who “just wants the best for me.” Said friend is obviously an idiot and I should stop speaking to him immediately. I won’t sign up for eHarmony because a) they’re religion based, b) they won’t match my gay friends, and c) I can’t get away from their motherfucking commercials and that god-awful song. So I signed up for Match.
Kill. Me. Now. It’s shallow and petty and I hate it. I’m not excluding myself in that accusation either. It’s making me shallow and petty and I hate that too. Who the fuck am I to judge these people on some random blurb they wrote, probably under the same duress that I was when I wrote mine? Who I am to dismiss them on some random photographs they happened to have lying around and attached? The very thought of the site send shivers down my spine and every time I get an email telling me I have a wink or a message I cringe.
My friend is mad at me because I’m not going out on a thousand dates. Forgive me for being picky. Forgive me for having standards. Forgive me for dismissing most of them for not being able to spell. Forgive me for not trusting people on the internet, where they can say anything they want. I’d much rather meet a guy in a bar, where I can look in his eyes and tell if he’s shady or not.
That all being said, the miracle in question is that I have a date on Saturday. Some bass player who is new in town. He’s not awful to look at, by his photos, but he also might have a crazy eye. I’m pretty sure it’s going to go down in flames, much like the other two internet dates I went out on. I’m such an optimist, aren’t I?
What I really want to happen is for the friend of a friend that I met out the other day to be back at his usual haunt tonight, because I will be there as part of a birthday drinking festivity for my friend K. I really liked that one.
* Anyone else think Rip Torn’s performance in Dodgeball is the funniest thing ever to happen to movies? I don’t normally like that brand of idiot comedy, or anything Ben Stiller has anything to do with, but I can’t get enough of that movie.
