There was an incident in my office this morning where a coworker began to choke. Two people who were talking to her when it happened stood there and stared at her. One eventually came to me and said “Pam’s choking and I don’t know what to do!”
I first ran to one of the strong men in my office to ask if he could do the heimlich if she was choking. She’s a bit of a big girl and I was worried that I wouldn’t be strong enough. He kind of shrugged and indicated he didn’t know how.
I managed to ask her if there was something lodged in her throat, I was going to teach her to get it out herself on the back of the chair. There wasn’t, luckily. She had inhaled her coffee into her lungs instead of her stomach and was essentially drowning. I helped her calm her down so that she could take bigger breaths and she was fine.
I have some serious issue with the way my coworkers handled this. The first one, “I don’t know what to do?” So you’re going to stand there and watch her choke? Your father is a doctor, you useless twat. Did he teach you nothing? I guess going to get help is something, but can you imagine going through life with absolutely no practical knowledge? Hovering in the corner, biting your nails until somebody bigger and stronger comes to fix things? That’s a pathetic way to go about your life.
As for the man, don’t know the heimlich? WTF? Who cares! Your friend and coworker is choking, you prat, get off your ass and come help me.
Seriously. It’s bad enough that I’m the only one that takes the slightest amount of initiative when it comes to work around here, now I have to save people’s lives too?
My boss decided to have a little chat with a few of us the other day, under the guise of “just checking in.” In so many words, he tells me that he thinks my negative attitude is a cancer on the office. Which is complete bullshit, because believe it or not, I’m perfectly lovely around the office. I’m not in any way politically correct, but neither is anyone else in my office. I’m tame compared to some of my coworkers.
So I did a little digging and realized that the problem is that he’s upset that I don’t greet him enthusiastically enough on the days when he comes into my shared cubicle in the morning. I apparently barely eke out a hello, or just a grunt in his general direction.
Of course I do, you jackass. Because you show up in my cube at 8:03, and I know that you’re just there to check on me to make sure I got in there at the stroke of 8:00. You’re cheerful and chatty, and perky and it’s annoying. You have a penchant for not shutting the hell up about things and the last fucking thing I want to hear before I have my coffee is a twenty minute story of how your child did in his soccer game yesterday. I don’t give a shit.
He’s a really nice guy, and I know he’s just looking out for us, but I really don’t appreciate the insinuation that everything is always my fault. There are other people in the office, you know, and just because they’re more apt to kiss your ass doesn’t mean they’re any less guilty.
Then today, I had appointments at both the DMV and the gyno. What a fucking week, right?
